The idea for this discussion thread was born from an email exchange I recently had with a filmmaker. We were discussing what we do when we attend screenings of our own films.
As a filmmaker, you’ve likely watched your own film hundreds or thousands of times, while working on it. You know every frame. You don’t travel to a screening of your work because you want to watch your own film; you’re already deeply familiar with it, although it may be interesting to see it projected on a large screen, with a professional sound system. Personally, I go to screenings of my films because I want to engage with the audience, during a Q&A session, or afterwards. I want to hear what people saw in my film, how it made them feel, and what it made them think. I’m also happy to answer any questions. If my film is on a program with films by other artists, I also relish the opportunity to see new films, and to meet other filmmakers.
There are at least two issues that interest me about filmmakers at screenings of their own work. One is simply that it can be boring to watch your own film over and over again, especially if you go to a lot of screenings of the same film. The other issue is that screening your work in public can be nerve-wracking. Artists pour their hearts and souls into their films, and exposing yourself to the public can feel very vulnerable. It can become quite uncomfortable to watch others watching your film, as you imagine what they’re thinking about you and your film.
In my own case, I like to sit in the last row in the theater. (I first started doing this because I also appear as an actor in all of my films, and I have a neurotic dislike of sitting further forward in the theater, and thinking that people are seeing my face up on the screen at the same time they can see the back of my head in my seat!) Sitting in the last row, on the aisle, also makes it easier for me to slip outside, when I need a break, depending on where the exits are located. I often leave the theater while my own film is playing, to take a breath, a walk outside, or chat with the theater staff who are working at the box office or concession stand.
I know that many of my readers are themselves filmmakers. What do you do with yourself while your films are up on the big screen? How does the experience make you feel? This doesn’t only apply to filmmakers who show their work frequently; it should also be relevant to those who have only screened their work once, or a small number of times.
Let me hear from you! As with any online discussion, please listen carefully and reply thoughtfully. Thanks.
My articles on experimental film are freely available to all, but are supported by monthly and annual donations from readers. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to support my work. Thank you.
That is a very good question David. For myself I recently have had many shows screening the same titles in each. I enjoy watching my films over and over. Of course during production and post I have watched the work more than one hundred times. If it bores me, or I see mistake I correct or re work the films. It is exciting to watch the work in public.
First to see how the audience reacts to each work. It often surprises me to find that some films will get a very positive reaction that was not expected. Also it is fun to be in the audience. When I leave during my own projection it seems as if I do not care, so why should the audience care?
Second--each screening is different depending on the projection quality and sound quality. So often the work looks unique from place to place. Of course more often than not I need to go to the projection booth to either adjust sound levels or any other projection problems. Always know where the door to the projection booth is. That is one of my motto's. Nothing worse than experiencing an awful projection of my work. Once in Chicago at a festival it was my film to be projected. The 16mm projector started and the images were on the ceiling. I watch as my film crept along the walls and when it finally made it to the screen the film was over. That taught me a good lesson. Always be present just in case and speak out when things go wrong, have no fear.
Third- when view multiple times I can see some minor mistakes or images that just no longer work for me. Seeing the films projected over and over is a learning experience because it allows me to not repeat mistakes from the past. I seldom walk out of my own projections. I always groan at a bad splice or cut things no one else would notice, but I do and learn again and again in each screening.--Dominic Angerame
That's an interesting point, about having to run up to the booth to fix a technical problem. I remember being at a festival, sitting next to a filmmaker who was in her third trimester of pregnancy. The projectionist cut off the first minute of her film, and she wasn't exactly prepared to jump up and "run" to the booth, so I did it for her! The projectionist was perfectly happy to stop the film, and start over from the beginning.
I've recently taken to getting a snack or a coffee/tea with my daughter. She's 9 years old, so she almost always gets a Bubble Tea as opposed to anything caffeinated. Now Annmarie has been around for several of my screenings, and while she's not old enough to watch the movies herself, it's really nice to be able to take time with her and get lost for an hour. She brings me the energy to live (and to make movies that barely get seen lol), so I hope she remembers those times when we got to run away and find a snack or go to the park while the movie was playing.
I usually sit in the back of the theater and watch the back of the viewers' heads. Often I've enjoyed seeing the work on "the big screen;" it seemed properly impressive in that format. Other times the work seems too long or too short (or both!) or that the sound is wrong. In pottery, there's a saying that there are some mistakes that you can't see until the piece is fired. Yet, a theater screening in is a thrill. A living room is still the best venue for video. Actually, that was Brakhage's favorite setting for his films as well.
Thank you for the opportunity to talk about such matters.
What do you do with yourself while your films are up on the big screen?
Depends on the work. Last one I had not seen yet on the big screen so I stayed for most of it to get a handle on the wildly different audiovisual than the small studio I work in...went out halfway for a walk around the block to handle jitters though. It was somewhat shocking to hear and see it for the first time in such a venue. It worked but it would have been beneficial to my nerves to experience without an audience first.
How does the experience make you feel?
A bit stunned, pleased, happy, high apprehension, giddiness, energetic.
I value Q&A sessions highly— they make the film more of a living experience for me rather than purely a mediated one.
A few weeks ago, *Foto Cine Mama & I* premiered at the VIFF Theatre in Vancouver. Rather than asking questions or discussing the film in conventional terms, two audience members, prefered to offer up and described their experience as immersive and emotionally hypnotic, personally revelatory. It was a small audience in a large venue — when one or two viewers share that they became so absorbed in the film that they lost themselves — that to me is immensely satisfying.
I also become more aware of the current cultural environment for independent film by having a work that is part of it, however small that part maybe. I become more aware of how much - in quantity and quality — quite fantastic, highly professional, creative, intelligent and diverse work there is out in the world these days. I become humbled by that.
I also equally enjoy answering questions and because I am in my sixties when the just starting out 20 year olds ask questions after watching my 78 minute cinematic barrage --- I am comforted that such enquiries and dialogue exists.
It is not a deflection to say that the only way to explain the film in its totality is the film itself. There is no other way to layer meaning in time and the layers of time's meaning.
That is a very good question David. For myself I recently have had many shows screening the same titles in each. I enjoy watching my films over and over. Of course during production and post I have watched the work more than one hundred times. If it bores me, or I see mistake I correct or re work the films. It is exciting to watch the work in public.
First to see how the audience reacts to each work. It often surprises me to find that some films will get a very positive reaction that was not expected. Also it is fun to be in the audience. When I leave during my own projection it seems as if I do not care, so why should the audience care?
Second--each screening is different depending on the projection quality and sound quality. So often the work looks unique from place to place. Of course more often than not I need to go to the projection booth to either adjust sound levels or any other projection problems. Always know where the door to the projection booth is. That is one of my motto's. Nothing worse than experiencing an awful projection of my work. Once in Chicago at a festival it was my film to be projected. The 16mm projector started and the images were on the ceiling. I watch as my film crept along the walls and when it finally made it to the screen the film was over. That taught me a good lesson. Always be present just in case and speak out when things go wrong, have no fear.
Third- when view multiple times I can see some minor mistakes or images that just no longer work for me. Seeing the films projected over and over is a learning experience because it allows me to not repeat mistakes from the past. I seldom walk out of my own projections. I always groan at a bad splice or cut things no one else would notice, but I do and learn again and again in each screening.--Dominic Angerame
That's an interesting point, about having to run up to the booth to fix a technical problem. I remember being at a festival, sitting next to a filmmaker who was in her third trimester of pregnancy. The projectionist cut off the first minute of her film, and she wasn't exactly prepared to jump up and "run" to the booth, so I did it for her! The projectionist was perfectly happy to stop the film, and start over from the beginning.
I've recently taken to getting a snack or a coffee/tea with my daughter. She's 9 years old, so she almost always gets a Bubble Tea as opposed to anything caffeinated. Now Annmarie has been around for several of my screenings, and while she's not old enough to watch the movies herself, it's really nice to be able to take time with her and get lost for an hour. She brings me the energy to live (and to make movies that barely get seen lol), so I hope she remembers those times when we got to run away and find a snack or go to the park while the movie was playing.
Beautiful.
I usually sit in the back of the theater and watch the back of the viewers' heads. Often I've enjoyed seeing the work on "the big screen;" it seemed properly impressive in that format. Other times the work seems too long or too short (or both!) or that the sound is wrong. In pottery, there's a saying that there are some mistakes that you can't see until the piece is fired. Yet, a theater screening in is a thrill. A living room is still the best venue for video. Actually, that was Brakhage's favorite setting for his films as well.
Thank you for the opportunity to talk about such matters.
What do you do with yourself while your films are up on the big screen?
Depends on the work. Last one I had not seen yet on the big screen so I stayed for most of it to get a handle on the wildly different audiovisual than the small studio I work in...went out halfway for a walk around the block to handle jitters though. It was somewhat shocking to hear and see it for the first time in such a venue. It worked but it would have been beneficial to my nerves to experience without an audience first.
How does the experience make you feel?
A bit stunned, pleased, happy, high apprehension, giddiness, energetic.
I value Q&A sessions highly— they make the film more of a living experience for me rather than purely a mediated one.
A few weeks ago, *Foto Cine Mama & I* premiered at the VIFF Theatre in Vancouver. Rather than asking questions or discussing the film in conventional terms, two audience members, prefered to offer up and described their experience as immersive and emotionally hypnotic, personally revelatory. It was a small audience in a large venue — when one or two viewers share that they became so absorbed in the film that they lost themselves — that to me is immensely satisfying.
I also become more aware of the current cultural environment for independent film by having a work that is part of it, however small that part maybe. I become more aware of how much - in quantity and quality — quite fantastic, highly professional, creative, intelligent and diverse work there is out in the world these days. I become humbled by that.
I also equally enjoy answering questions and because I am in my sixties when the just starting out 20 year olds ask questions after watching my 78 minute cinematic barrage --- I am comforted that such enquiries and dialogue exists.
It is not a deflection to say that the only way to explain the film in its totality is the film itself. There is no other way to layer meaning in time and the layers of time's meaning.